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The Captain's Log

Joshua- a neurotic 29-year-old Floridian. Tea, rants, geek stuff, LARP, happy days, sad days, food, and purple.

Rules to follow when at sea

writing-prompt-s:

  1. The ship should be treated with kindness.
  2. Not all waters are good.
  3. Don’t look deeper than you absolutely have to.
  4. A sudden shallow means something is beneath you.
  5. Never sail alone at night.
  6. There are things best left unseen.
  7. Whales are wise. Do not anger them.
  8. You are very, very small.
  9. There may be eyes in the fog. Don’t make contact.
  10. Some ships sail under no flag. They are not real. Not anymore.
  11. Occasionally, you will get a distress transmission from the Atlantic. Don’t answer it.
  12. The sound of motors in the fog is never, ever, a good sign.
  13. Some lighthouses move. Don’t depend on them.
  14. Make as little sound as possible whenever your chest feels strange.
  15. It is entirely possible to lose time at sea. Do not worry. You will remember eventually.
  16. If the water goes murky, leave the top deck.
  17. There may be blood in the water. Don’t look.
  18. If you startle at nothing, it was not nothing.
  19. There are some kinds of fog your lights won’t shine through. When you encounter it, take a different route.
  20. Some fjords are not for human travel.
  21. The singing is most likely not sirens. Pray that is is not.
  22. Never dive and expect nothing strange to happen.
  23. If something feels off, check your ropes.
  24. If someone shouts to you in the dark, do not reply.
  25. Sometimes curious things knock on the hull. They will usually leave.
  26. Nothing is ever entirely as it seems.
  27. Moonlight on the ocean has a hypnotic effect. Don’t stare.
  28. There will always be something watching from the coast.
  29. When the sky turns strange colours, close your eyes. It is best not to see.
  30. If your compass does not work, let yourself drift on the current. Something wants you gone.

(via rambling-ginger)

5 days ago- 11724

tlatotem:

a-timeless-classic:

tlatotem:

Mythbusters ended too soon. I feel like The Cask Of Amontillado is exactly the myth they would have tested.

Like, figuring out how long it takes the mortar to dry. Finding the maximum amount of time before knocking down a recently built brick wall. Establishing the best place on a recently bricked wall to topple it and escape.

And then, doing all of that while drunk.

Mythbusters, you left us too soon.

actually, they made that episode – I have a copy of it in my basement, wanna see?

Would I?!

(via rambling-ginger)

5 days ago- 54807

alphacrone:

teaboot:

teaboot:

teaboot:

teaboot:

The amount of times I could have been that white girl in the horror movie could honestly be a movie in itself and it’s honestly a waste that my entire life isn’t constantly recorded on film because it would be HILARIOUS

1. That one time I decided to see what was past the old gate in the woods, but when got there it had been smashed in half and there was a decapitated sheep head with no skin just off the trail, so instead I just turned around and went home.

2. That time some friends and I went camping and we found a pile of bones wrapped in a garbage bag buried under a log, but the adult supervisor told us it was nothing, so we just put it back and didn’t talk about it again.

3. The time I was getting chased through the woods at night and I realized “wait it’s dark as fuck” so I just held still until the guy gave up and left.

4. The time this dude said he was in love with me and so he was going to cut my head off and dump my body in a lake, so I told him to grow the hell up, but then he got caught stealing girl’s underwear a day later and I never saw him again

5. That one time in college where I was taking a shortcut on my home at night and a car followed me into a dark alley, so I stared directly into the driver’s side of the window and walked towards it to psych them out

6. The night I was out on a walk and this old guy told me he’d locked his keys in his truck and that he needed someone my size to crawl in through the back window for him, so I told him “you know that sounds super suspicious right” and told him where to find a pay phone for a tow truck instead

7. The one time this random guy on the street said he was in love with me and so he was going to follow me home on my bus, so I clapped him on the shoulder and told him that if he got that close to my bus then I was going to throw him under the wheels, but then this really nice homeless man from Nigeria told the guy to fuck off and then checked to make sure he didn’t follow me onboard

8. That big cat with yellow eyes who I found in a well and brought home who used to put rotting meat in my closet and wake me up by chewing on my face, until I put him back outside and never saw him again.

9. My one cousin who used to come over for the summer who kept calling me ‘piñata’ and hitting me with sticks, until he went back home and was sent to juvie cause he finally got caught torturing animals

10. The time I got lost on the way to a meeting and wound up at a circus tent instead, and got followed by a full-out clown for three vacant street blocks

11. The pet hamster I had when I was seven who would scream all night and eventually escaped by ripping a bar out of its cage and wiggling through the hole. My mom caught it and put it back but it lived another year and a half until one night the screaming just stopped

12. The time I was whistling in the woods and something started whistling back, so I went home

13. That one night at summer camp where a group of girls got together to play ‘bloody mary’ in the lavatory and invited me to come with them so I said “no thanks” and stayed with the camp councillors and drank soup instead.

14. The old abandoned house I just moved into with the door that leads into a big empty room full of dirt and empty cooking pots that I just sort of… locked up forever and never go near

15. Once when I was at an ihop I saw a coffee mug do a full 360º spin with nobody touching it, so I said ‘that was neat’ and never ate there again

16. The time I took a photo of a big old raven sitting on the crucifix on top of the old town church cause it was the most goth thing I’d ever seen, right? But then it swooped down towards me, so I apologized immediately for being rude, and I felt a little silly for a while but the car that hit me on the way home didn’t even leave a bruise so idk be nice to birds

Sorry I know I bring this shit up a lot but sometimes im awake at night and I just. keep thinking

I think the secret to survival is to be good to animals, stay away from men, and say “no thanks” to everything else

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(via rambling-ginger)

5 days ago- 205319

officialtomselleck:

weirdrussians:

It’s a pine fall day today in Russia.

Things just happen in Russia in a unique way that I’m not sure can ever be explained. Like how a fucking meteor landed in the middle of the Russian wilderness and resulted in the equivalent of a nuclear bomb going off but no one really even noticed.

(via rambling-ginger)

5 days ago- 99251

rockintwink:

catchymemes:

Worlds largest single firework shell

That’s not that bi-hoLY SHIT

(Source: catchymemes, via rambling-ginger)

5 days ago- 90204

games-frontier:

LoZ+Madmax V2

Source

3 weeks ago- 2051

bisypha:

some castlevania season 2 aesthetics

(via rambling-ginger)

3 weeks ago- 2552
jetflyer: “ thefingerfuckingfemalefury: “ naniyou: “ naniyou: “ forthegothicheroine: “ sylvysparrow: “ cindehella: “ lord-kitschener: “ arealliveghost: “ stillvisions: “ maybenotboring: “and at no point has anyone thought “maybe we should not build a...

jetflyer:

thefingerfuckingfemalefury:

naniyou:

naniyou:

forthegothicheroine:

sylvysparrow:

cindehella:

lord-kitschener:

arealliveghost:

stillvisions:

maybenotboring:

and at no point has anyone thought “maybe we should not build a giant flammable goat this year”

They tried fireproofing. And armed guards. And fences, and cameras… Sadly the wikipedia page has been cut down by super srs folks to remove all the awesome Keystone cops tales of the goat’s history (emphasis added by me)

  • 1966 Stig Gavlén came up with the idea of a giant goat made out of straw. But it turned out that Gavlén organisation did not have enough funding for the goat. Then Harry Ström, who at that time was the chairman of the Södra Kungsgatan Ideella Förening (a non-profit society), decided to pay the whole cost for the goat out of his own pocket. The goat stood until midnight of New Year’s Eve, when it went up in flames. The perpetrator, who was from Hofors,Gästrikland, was found and convicted of vandalism. The first goat was insured and Ström got all his money back.
  • 1967 Nothing happened.
  • 1968 The goat survived. A fence was built around the goat. Previously it was popular for children to play hide-and-seek inside and around the goat. There was also a rumor that one night a couple had sex inside the goat. In subsequent years the inside of the goat was protected by a chicken-wire net.
  • 1969 The goat was burnt down on New Year’s Eve.
  • 1970 The goat was burnt down only six hours after it was assembled. Two very drunk teenagers were connected with the crime. With help from several financial contributors the goat was reassembled out of lake reed.
  • 1971 The Southern Merchants got tired of their goats being burned and stopped building the goat. The Natural Science Club (Naturvetenskapliga Föreningen:NF) from the School of Vasa (Vasaskolan) took over. 
  • 1972 The goat collapsed because of sabotage.
  • 1973 N/A
  • 1974 Burnt.
  • 1975 N/A
  • 1976 Hit by a car.
  • 1977 N/A
  • 1978 Again, the goat was kicked to pieces.
  • 1979 The goat was burnt even before it was erected. A new one was built and fireproofed. It was destroyed and broken into pieces.
  • 1980 Burnt down on Christmas Eve.
  • 1981 Nothing happened.
  • 1982 Burnt down on Lucia (13 December).
  • 1983 The legs were destroyed.
  • 1984 Burnt down on 12 December, the night before Lucia.
  • 1985 The 12.5 metre (41 ft) tall goat of the Natural Science Club was featured in the Guinness Book of Records for the first time. Even though the goat was enclosed by a 2 metres (6.6 ft) high metal fence, guarded by Securitas and even soldiers from the Gävle I 14 Infantry Regiment, it was burnt down in January.
  • 1986 The merchants of Gävle decided they were willing to build the goat once again. From 1986 on two goats were built, the Southern Merchants’ and the School of Vasa’s. The big goat burnt down the night before Christmas Eve.
  • 1987 A heavily fireproofed goat was built. It got burnt down a week before Christmas.[21]
  • 1988 Nothing happened to the goat, but gamblers were for the first time able to gamble on the fate of the goat with English bookmakers.
  • 1989 Again, the goat burnt down before it was assembled. Financial contributions from the public were raised to rebuild a goat that was burnt down in January. In March 1990 another goat was built, this time for the shooting of a Swedish motion picture called Black Jack.
  • 1990 Nothing happened. The goat was guarded by many volunteers.
  • 1991 The goat was joined by an advertising sled, that turned out to be illegally built. On the morning of Christmas Eve the goat was burnt down. It was later rebuilt to be taken to Stockholm as a part of a protest campaign against the closing of the I 14 Infantry Regiment.
  • 1992 The goat was burnt down eight days after it was built. The Natural Science Club’s goat burnt down the same night. The Southern Merchants’ goat was rebuilt, but burned down on 20 December. The perpetrator of the three attacks was caught and sent to jail. The Goat Committee was founded in 1992.
  • 1993 Once more the goat was featured in the Guinness Book of Records, the School of Vasa’s goat measured 14.9 metres (49 ft). The goat was guarded by taxis and the Swedish Home Guard. Nothing happened.
  • 1994 Nothing happened. The goat followed the Swedish national hockey team to Italy for the World Championship in hockey.
  • 1995 A Norwegian was arrested for attempting to burn down the goat. Burnt down on the morning of Christmas Day. Rebuilt to be standing before the 550th anniversary of Gävle county.
  • 1996 The first time the goat was guarded by webcams, nothing happened.
  • 1997 Damaged by fireworks. The Natural Science Club’s goat was attacked too, but survived with minor damage.
  • 1998 Burnt down on 11 December, even though there was a major blizzard. Was rebuilt.
  • 1999 Burnt down only a couple of hours after it was erected. Rebuilt again before Lucia. The Natural Science Club’s goat was burnt down as well.
  • 2000 Burnt down a couple of days before New Year’s Eve. The Natural Science Club’s goat got tossed in the Gävle river.
  • 2001 Goat set on fire on 23 December by Lawrence Jones, a 51-year-old visitor from Cleveland, Ohio, who spent 18 days in jail and was subsequently convicted and ordered to pay 100,000 Swedish kronor in damages. The court confiscated Jones’s cigarette lighter with the argument that he clearly was not able to handle it. Jones stated in court that he was no “goat burner”, and believed that he was taking part in a completely legal goat-burning tradition. After Jones was released from jail he went straight back to the US without paying his fine. As of 2006 it was still unpaid. The Natural Science Club’s goat was also burnt down.
  • 2002 A 22 year old from Stockholm tried to set the Southern Merchants’ goat on fire, but failed, the goat receiving only minor damage. On Lucia the goat was guarded by Swedish radio and TV personality Gert Fylking.
  • 2003 Burnt down on 12 December.
  • 2004 Burnt 21 December, only three days before Christmas Eve. The fire brigade quickly arrived on the scene, but the goat could not be saved. No new goat was built.
  • 2005 Burnt by unknown vandals reportedly dressed as Santa and the gingerbread man, by shooting a flaming arrow at the goat at 21:00 on 3 December. Reconstructed on 5 December. The hunt for the arsonist responsible for the goat-burning in 2005 was featured on the weekly Swedish live broadcast TV3’s “Most Wanted“ (”Efterlyst”) on 8 December.
  • 2006 On the night of 15 December at 03:00, someone tried to set fire to the goat by dousing the right front leg in petrol (gasoline). The red ribbon on that leg was slightly burned and fell off. The lower part of the right leg was scorched, but the rest of the goat failed to light. The leg was repaired that morning. The Natural Science Club’s goat was burned at about 00:40 on 20 December; the vandals were not seen and got away. On the night of 25 December, a drunken man managed to climb up on the goat. Before the police arrived on the scene the man climbed down and disappeared. He did not try to set fire to the goat. The Southern Merchants’ goat survived New Year’s Eve and was taken down on 2 January. It is now stored in a secret location.
  • 2007 The Natural Science Club’s goat was toppled on 13 December and was burned on the night of 24 December. The Southern Merchants’ goat survived.
  • 2008 10,000 people turned out for the inauguration of one of the goats. No back-up goat was built to replace the main goat should the worst happen, nor was the goat treated with flame repellent (Anna Östman, spokesperson of the Goat-committee said the repellent made it look ugly in the previous years, like a brown terrier). On 16 December the Natural Science Club’s Goat was vandalised and later removed. On 26 December there was an attempt to burn down the Southern Merchants’ Goat but patriotic passers-by managed to extinguish the fire. The following day the goat finally succumbed to the flames ignited by an unknown assailant at 03:50 CET.
  • 2009 A person attempted to set the Southern Merchants’ goat on fire the night of 7 December. An unsuccessful attempt was made to throw the Natural Science Club’s goat into the river the weekend of 11 December. The culprit then tried, again without success, to set the goat on fire. Someone stole the Natural Science Club’s goat utilizing a truck the night of 14 December.[36] On the night of 23 December before 04:00 the South Merchant goat was set on fire and was burned to the frame, even though it had a thick layer of snow on its back.[37] The goat had two online webcams which were put out of service by aDoS attack, instigated by computer hackers just before the burning.[38]
  • 2010 On the night of 2 December, arsonists made an unsuccessful attempt to burn the Natural Science Club’s goat.[39] On 17 December, a Swedish news site reported that one of the guards tasked with protecting the Southern Merchants’ goat had been offered payment to leave his post so that the goat could be stolen via helicopter and transported to Stockholm. Both goats survived and were dismantled and returned to storage in early January 2011.
  • 2011 The inauguration of the goat took place on 27 November. The fire-fighters of Gävle sprayed the goat with water to create a coating of ice in the hope of protecting it from arson. The goat was burnt down in the early morning of 2 December.
  • 2012 The inauguration of the goat took place on 2 December. It was burnt just ten days later in the hours before midnight of 12 December, one day before Lucia.
  • 2013 As in 2006 and 2007, the straw used to build the goat has been soaked in anti-flammable liquid to prevent it from burning in the event of an arson attack. The inauguration ceremony took place on 1 December. But despite the anti-flammable liquids the goat was burnt down on the early morning of December 21.

Any history of plots involving a DDoS attack on the security cameras, a plot to steal it with a helicopter and flaming arrows shot by people dressed as Santa and the Gingerbread man is just plain hilarious in my book.

I’m laughing so much about this goat. obviously if you build something big enough people are going to have sex in it and burn it down. obviously

what the fuck is going on in sweden

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how will the saga continue this year

fascinating

The saga of the goat is the best part of the season.

For those curious about 2015′s goat:

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It’s that time of year again

2016: Burned within hours of being built

2017: Survived

2018: Nothing yet…

WILL THE GOAT LIVE THIS YEAR

This year the goat is protected by knights

As in actual fully armed sword-carrying knights on horses

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(via typhloticauthority)

3 weeks ago- 642496

Fuck fakeass abusive people. So damn tired.

3 weeks ago

lochnessmonsterofficial:

zionthepansexual:

dangerbooze:

OH MY GOD

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(Source: dekoi2501post, via rambling-ginger)

4 weeks ago- 728579

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